sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
