If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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