Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
