I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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