So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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