I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
