at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
