Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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