I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
