She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
