i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
