$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bet he comes in French.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
