Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
