He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
