ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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