So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
