I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
