Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
