I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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