how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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