definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
