Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
