I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
