I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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