College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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