she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
