I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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