Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
