Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
