Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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