That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
