Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
