First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
