So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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