I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
