This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
