Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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