its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
