oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
