My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
