it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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