i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
