funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ttyl tear gas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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