I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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