I understand Curling. That high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
