After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
