I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
