he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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