I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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