I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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