she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
