don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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