Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
