we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
