Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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