Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
